


Khan Calls Jenos

by Bae_ta



Category: Paladins: Champions Of The Realm (Video Game)
Genre: 4th Wall Breaking, Fantasy, Gen, Humor, Not to be taken seriously, purely for fun, short one-shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-01 21:28:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14529543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bae_ta/pseuds/Bae_ta
Summary: Lian and Khan want Jenos to join their side, and Khan continues to try and “recruit” him via… calling him?





	Khan Calls Jenos

**Author's Note:**

> The first of many ridiculous stories about the support class of Paladins.  
> I don't own anything, that's why it's called fanfiction.

*ring*[Ascension Peak theme music]*ring*

  
[Jenos] “Hello?”

[Khan] “Jenos, join the Magistrate!”

[Jenos] “How did you get this number, Khan?”

[Khan] “I stole it off of Buck’s contact list. He has you on speed dial… Join the Magistrate!”

[Jenos] “That is wrong and, no, I’m not joining the Magistrate.”

[Khan] “If House Aico demands your loyalty, you will give it!”

[Jenos] “We’ve been over this before. You’ve already laid siege to my mountain and you failed. My answer remains the same.”

[Khan] “I do not recall this…”

[Jenos] “There is a lore video about it on Youtube. Look it up—  
*boop* *boop*  
  
Hang on, I’ve got another call. Hello?”

[Buck] “Need healing!”

[Jenos] “Buck? What happened to your recovery ability I gifted you?”

[Buck] “I used it already! Gonna die here real soon!”

[Jenos] “Alright, let the starlight soothe you.”

[Buck] “Thanks man!”  
*click*

[Jenos] “Now Khan—"

[Khan] “When the hell did this even happen?!”

[Jenos] “Ah, you watched the video? It went out about a month ago.”

[Khan] “They’ve captured my good side quite well, I must say. Very imposing… I like it. But I do not recall any of this.”

[Jenos] “Perhaps the buff messed with your memory.”

[Khan] “Regardless, it’s time you take your rightful place by our side and help House Aico rise to absolute power.”

[Jenos] “No.”

[Khan] “I don’t take no for an answer!”

[Jenos] “I can see that…  
*boop* *boop*  
  
I have another call…?”

[Ash] “Need healing!”

[Jenos] “Ash? We’re not even on the same team.”

[Ash] “We don’t have a healer and I need healing, NOW!”

[Khan] “Show those circus freaks what for, Ash!”

[Ash] “Khan? Did you convince this noob to join our side yet?”

[Khan] “Not yet, but he will.”

[Jenos] “I am not joining the Magistrate, Khan.”

[Ash] “I need a healer!!!”

[Jenos] “You have other supports who can offer you healing, most of which are neutral in the war. Grohk, for instance, is fighting for his tribe; perhaps if you show him that you also value his tribe—"

[Khan] “We don’t want a stupid orc, we want the human embodiment of the cosmos!”

[Ash] “Grohk’s healing sucks! He can’t heal through walls!”

[Jenos] “Every support has his or her own way of healing. You just have to stay within the radius of his totem.”

[Ash] “I ain’t staying in no f****** circle!”

[Jenos] “Language, please.”

[Khan] “Heal this woman, low-born!”

[Jenos] “I cannot…”

[Ash] “F*** you, Jenos!”  
*click*

[Khan] “You will be disciplined severely for this.”

[Jenos] “I cannot heal someone who is not on my team and I am not joining your side, Khan.”

[Khan] “We don’t require your co-operation, star boy. I will gather my forces, again, and march on that mountain of yours and willing or not, you will return with us!”  
*boop* *boop*

[Jenos] “Hello?”

[Buck] “Jenos, I need healing again!”

[Khan] “Off with you, you simple-minded fool! We are negotiating here!”

[Buck] “Khan?! Whatthe—why are _you_ on this line?”

[Khan] “I’m trying to threaten your so-called god to join our side now beat it!”

*gives Buck a lotus*  
[Jenos] “Worry not, Buck. No matter how many times he may threaten or attack, Khan is no match for the might of the cosmos. And neither is the Magistrate.”

[Buck] “Yeah, you tell ‘em Jenos! Thanks for the heal again man.”

[Jenos] “You’re welcome. By the way, Buck, is it Ash you’re fighting by any chance?”

[Buck] “Wow, you're _good_. I mean, yeah, I was, but she ran away.”  
*boop* *boop*

[Ash] “I had to fricking wait and heal! Do you know how fricking annoying that is to stand there and do nothing?!”

[Buck] “Ash?!”

[Ash] “Buck?!”

[Khan] “Jenos! Join the Magistrate or face the wrath of House Aico!”  
*boop* *boop*

[Buck] “Get off the line Khan and leave him alone! He’s not joining the Magistrate!”

[Ash] “I’ll fight him Khan, he won’t get away this time! Payback for you not healing me you little b****!”

[Buck] “Hey, watch the language!”

[Jenos] “As I have said before, I cannot heal you if you are on the _opposite_ team.”

[Ash] “Well then, ya better hurry up and join the Magistrate quick or else you’re going to get dealt as much damage as I had missing health!”

[Buck] “You can’t talk to Jenos like that!”

[Jenos] “Buck—"

[Khan] “We’ll talk to him however we please! I’ve gathered my troops; we march on Ascension Peak! We’ll continue our _negotiations_ there.”

[Buck] “Don't even think about it, I’ve got the gang on speed dial!”  
*dialing*  
“Inara! We gotta protect Jenos! Khan’s going to attack him again at Ascension Peak!”

[Inara] “YOU ARE NOT WELCOMED THERE!”

[Makoa] “YOU CHALLENGE MAKOA!?”

[Buck] “We got two tanks this time, Khan!”

[Khan] “You are no match! I’ll see you all on the battle field!”

*click*  
*click*  
*click*  
*click*  
*click*

[Jenos] “...

…

Cassie, are you still there?”

[Cassie] “Um… yeah?”

[Jenos] “Is there something you need?”

[Cassie] “Just… some healing.”

*Gives lotus*  
[Jenos] “Take this gift then.”

[Cassie] “Thanks…

So, um…

I guess I’ll see you soon?”

[Jenos] “Probably.”

[Cassie] “Ok…

… bye!”

*click*

[Jenos] *sighs* “Mortals.”

*click*


End file.
